How to Be a Player

12:58 AM Amer Bekic 0 Comments

Clickbait title is a joke, I spend way too much time thinking of titles that don't even matter.

Escalation is not my strongest point in game... it is my game. Having gotten very good at it, I barely do anything else. The rest is all icing on the cake; so long as you can already open, are attractive and have a vaguely presentable house, etc, etc. The other stuff I've been over before so go and read that if you are weak there. Escalation comes after these, not before. If you're only good at escalation you are what is called a 'love offender' so make sure you start improving yourself before you try something like this.

The fundamentals are unchanged, I used ONS’s because I can write it out as one interaction. Obviously meet-ups add extra steps, I’ll go over those later. These are the fundamentals of escalation.


The key to good escalation is gradually ramping the love tension. Everything is about building it up, making it palpable and letting it be the force which drives the interaction. Touch is great, but it isn’t the king as commonly thought. The most important point is to always build that love tension, even if that means not touching the girl.

The first thing you want to do is never break the love tension when you open. You don’t want to walk up and make the girl think with a logical question like “Who lies more, midgets or ethnics?” You want a low-to-no context opener, something that doesn’t add pressure. The pressure should be coming from the love tension, anything in addition to that can cause too much and blow the whole thing up.

Secondly, it is good to establish touch from the outset. The quicker you start touching them, the quicker you know if they’re interested or out for other reasons. It also stops it from becoming awkward later and will make them more bold in touching you. Just a hand on the waist, a hug or something similar is fine. Keep it basic. You don’t need 10000 advanced kino techniques and secret PUA ‘incidental undercover seduction sequences’ or whatever is the rage now. Mostly anything is fine- the exception being aggressive stuff- because timing is the main thing. The ‘wrong’ touch is more often due to being too early or late to fit the moment. It’s all about reading that vibe and slowly- or more accurately, gradually- increasing the level of intimacy.

Last, after you open hold strong eye contact and wait for them to reply. This is big: a huge part of creating love tension is just waiting for the girl to reply instead of trying to crush silence with witty banter. You want the girl to be giggling and saying “What? Why are you staring at me?” or some such. It’s a thin line from here to “Why is this creep staring at me?” but it isn’t hard to learn where it is. To give an idea, you want to be looking away from eye-contact with a girl 2/10 times and staring her down 8/10.

Note please that you will usually have to do 60%+ of the talking for the first few minutes. I've found there is a general correlation between how hot the girl is and how much you'll have to over-talk to start, but it hooks the same and they end up speaking ~80% after a few minutes. I've heard Krauser call it "the Russian minute" because apparently Russian girls lord it, but that doesn't jibe with my experience. I've found if I don't approach overly focused or zoned-out looking girls I just don't get this as much.

In Order of Importance:

• Proximity. Nothing beats proximity. Gradually ‘floating’ towards the girl; or pulling her towards you will do all the work. If ONE thing is responsible for my success it would just be being closer to the girls. If ever 1v1ing for a girl and the l33t Am0g tactix don't work good, just be closer to her. If there is a group of guy friends who want to take her away, just be closer to her (and befriend another girl). You can literally turn your back on the competition if you’re the one in her face. Plus it turns girls on immensely, for a lot of reasons that should be common sense here.

• Eye contact. You want to be the centre of her world; at least for tonight. You want her to be guessing about what you’re thinking, because here is the thing: She will know in terms of raw intuition exactly what you’re doing. She will know you want to love her and you’re acting this way to turn her on. But 99.99% of guys can’t keep a secret for time and even worse can’t keep their cool while love tension builds. Just not breaking it puts you ahead of all of them. Holding eye contact and saying “nothing, just thinking about my cat” or LITERALLY ANYTHING but mentioning that elephant in the room is game.

Sticky eyes: When you must break eye contact, try to do so as slowly as possible. You look away, but it takes 2-3 seconds to not be eye-to-eye anymore. You start turning your head first, leting your eyes linger and then slowly moving them away. This will melt girls. It makes them feel incredibly desired. It also serves to build tension without risking creepy as much, because you aren’t just staring at girl like an axe murderer. The writer I heard it from referred to it as having honey connecting your eyes, so it makes them move slowly apart.

• Voice. You want to be talking low most of the time. When you open speak up, but start to talk quieter and more intimately as soon as possible. Your voice gives you control over the tempo of the interaction.

Occasionally you’ll want to spike it. Sometimes it’s right to do that before you pull them by excitedly talking about the after-party. Other times you’ll need to entertain her friend for a minute so she knows you’re not a psycho. On the other hand, it is very strong in louder bars with a quiet area to start whispering into her ear and turn your ear for her to do the same.

• Touch. I put this late because I think the importance of touch is exaggerated. It is very important, don’t get me wrong, but focusing on it first is a bad idea. It is what touch does for the interaction, not the touch itself, that matters. Basically you just want to be maintaining proximity, gradually getting closer to the girl and letting your touch grow naturally off that. At first it might be occasional light brushes of her arms and body. Then you might be sitting next to each other and you pull her legs over yours. Then your arm is around her…. Etc. You are gradually growing closer physically so of course touch comes off that. Proximity is the basis of escalation partly because it is the foundation for touch.

• Pacing. This is kind of a nebulous concept and really you need experience to gauge this. Keep the above in mind first, work on them, then over time you will start to see sometimes you can shift up a gear and escalate fast whereas other times you need to go slower than usual. It also changes as you go along. For example, beginners should try to open every girl and kiss any girl who likes them. For intermediates and advanced, I would say only open interested girls and don’t kiss the girl in public. In my experience, it offers a release of love tension to the girl and takes away the sense of urgency. Instead she has a nice little ending for her story of the night, she goes home with your number and you go home with your hand. The point where I used to think “I should kiss her now” is where I say “It’s hot in here, let’s go for a walk.”

Escalating to the Pull

Getting the girl home is pretty simple. Usually I two step it: I’ll make an excuse to leave the bar/event and then try to figure out her logistics. At this stage I’ll decide whether to pull home, go for a public pull or go to her place. Sometimes you realize here that it’s a lost cause but that’s pretty rare and you learn to avoid those girls very quickly- they usually respond well to everything up to kissing, but always try to be the first to disengage, hesitate to leave with you and aren't comfortable with touch.

Say something like “Let’s get out of here, the music is too loud to talk.” A lot of the time she’ll bring up friends, just say “Let’s go tell them we’re going for a walk.” She just wants you to take responsibility and let her friends know she is safe with you. It’s often a good idea to take one of the friends numbers here- make a joke about chicks phones always dying from Facebook or something. This sets their minds at ease and if you say this before they bring up excuses why she can’t go, they usually won’t. You’re also subtly saying “I do this a lot, don’t worry she’s in good hands” without seeming like an a@shole. The more often you can slyly communicate this the better.

Determine where you are pulling: ask her what her plans are for the rest of tonight. She might be staying with a friend. She might have work early. No matter where you will pull, walk somewhere semi-private, start hooking up passionately and then suddenly stop. Say “Do you want to come see my (macaroni art collection)?” IE some excuse to go to your house. Where I live most of the good bars and clubs are in suburbs, so I generally go for golf courses, football fields and the like. I’ve done construction sites a few times, once a hospital (didn’t know, accidentally), a few schools, a national monument… just anything nearby, secluded and with an allure. Don’t obsess over the perfect location, the girl doesn’t give a thing. I vividly remember one of my first public pulls being up a staircase of a condemned building at university where the maths students could see us.

If you want to see the girl again after, the best thing to do is either walk her back to her friends and hang out for a bit or get her home safely. You should be maintaining a conspiratorial vibe, never break it and hi-five your bros afterwards. Just smirk now and again, maybe make a few jokes like “Yeah, we just went and played some golf.” Everyone knows so don’t be crude, that just makes you seem like this isn’t something you’re used to. You want her to wonder how often this happens for you, while you want to present the ‘wow how crazy that this happened’ face to her. She should have suspicions you’re a player, not have you telling her that or seeming like you genuinely don’t get this very often.

When you take a girl to your house, make sure you have it fairly presentable. I’ve said this to death so I won’t go over it again. Putting in even 5% extra effort here is immense by the way: Having a candle, some nice music or a stuffed animal is often the difference between her letting loose and her feeling uncomfortable. The main goal is to make her comfortable so definitely do these things. Actually do the thing you said you would do. Don't drop the game yet. It becomes a conspiracy, she knows you didn't bring her back to see your etch-n-sketch self portrait, but you haven't made a move yet and you're actually showing it to her...

Usually the girl starts just complimenting whatever you show her and lots of touch as you talk about sock-puppets is enough.

The above is how the vast majority of bedtime shenanigans go these days. I wish I could have seen that paragraph in 2011 and known what I actually had to do to go from the clothes on kissing on the bed to the clothes off penetration stage.


To rehash escalation is thus:

  1. Don’t make her overtly uncomfortable, don’t rock the boat.

  1. Do make her feel ‘on edge’ by ramping up the love tension.

It honestly is more about not screw up then it is doing anything in particular right. Time and proximity will do all the work for you, she will fill in the blanks to turn herself on. Just talk the minimum amount, you should listen intently to her and keep getting closer. I say “don’t talk much” because the less you say, the less chance you can say the wrong thing. Again- that is more important. This will work if you give it time, just give yourself that time.