Women Are Always Right

11:59 PM Amer Bekic 0 Comments

An observation that's increasingly struck me over the past few years is that people, men and women alike, tend to always find ways to rationalize and condone a woman's bad behaviors; the typical, go-to pretense to justify said behaviors, would be that whatever a woman is doing, she's doing because it's in her nature to do so: it's just the way women are. Here's what those rationalizations might look like:
If she's being a rude, malignant cunt; well, that's okay, because it's just the way women act out their insecurities. Don't take it personally.

If she's throwing tamper tantrums like a 6-year-old kid: well, that's okay, because women are emotional creatures. Don't be so serious about it.

In other words: a woman can never do, or say anything wrong. The reason she's acting a certain way is always justifiable and thus, dismissable as something benign. It's always being downplayed.

What Does That Imply?

It implies that you, my friend, are expected to be able to tolerate everything she ever throws at you. You're a man, right? You should be able to take that s@it. And if you can't, well, then you're not man enough yet. It's up to you to work on yourself, to reach a stage where her childish, disruptive outbursts don't phase you anymore. It's up to you to put in the hard work, and mold yourself into something that's accomodating to her. 

That is your responsibility; not hers.


Why, you say? Because f@ck your needs, that's why. Why should a woman try to please you, for a change? Why should a woman work on herself, if it's in her nature to behave like a spoiled, entitled brat? Her behavior is normal. Yours isn't. So go work on yourself, and come back when you're done turning yourself into something that's more suitable for her. Nevermind putting your needs last. Nevermind compatibility. As long as she gets her way, you're doing the right thing.

Challenging/Evaluating Vs. Shaming

OK, so where am I going with this?

What I'm trying to convey through this post, is that the idea that a woman's behavior should always be tolerated and prevent you from having both personal boundaries and standards, is completely unacceptable.

Unfortunately, because of what they're being told by loser PUA's and relationship mangina "experts", most men will never now how to recognize whether a woman is challenging/evaluating them, or shaming them; a crucial distinction to make if you're ever going to grasp the difference between s@it tests and narcissistic abuse, which I'm going to come to in a minute.

Challenging/Evaluating: When a woman perceives you as a potential partner based on subtle, unconscious cues that you give off, she will usually proceed to evaluating you, i.e. try to determine not only whether your beliefs are aligned with hers, but also if you're a viable protector/provider (more on that further down), and find out if an association with you will either increase, or decrease her chances of survival (and her offspring's).

Once you're passed that phase, i.e. if and once she's deemed you a suitable partner, she will usually seek to maximize her chances of survival by turning you into a more effective protector/provider. This is why women continually challenge you when you're in a serious relationship with them; to make sure you don't lose your protector/provider edge, and even improve it to help them survive better. In other words: the challenge's purpose is to increase your survival potential, as a means to increase hers.

Example: Women will often encourage you to do better at certain tasks, by telling you that you're smarter/stronger than you think, and that they believe in your potential to surpass yourself. They will make you feel strong and powerful/manly. This is when your desire to impress them will usually kick in, and get you motivated to get things done, thus increasing her survival potential in the process.

Shaming: Women who grew up in dysfunctional, emotionally deprived families, i.e. families that abused and neglected them, will have a twisted understanding of what it means to feel loved, or bonding with people (there's a lot more to it, see Narcissistic Personality Disorder for more information on that one). To these women, shaming men to extract what's called Narcissistic Supply or NA from them is the only way they can feel loved. Another way to put it, is that their lovemap - which is based off of their dysfunctional relationship with their father - is distorted; hence why their lovemap in regards to relationships with men, is distorted too.

To sum up the concept of shaming; shaming is comparable to an emotional attack, whose purpose is to make someone feel inadequate, and generate a response from them by triggering a psychological wound.

Example: Attacking a person's physique or behavior is usually a safe bet; you're ugly/childish/small/stupid/fat/boring.

How to Distinguish the Two

So, where do you draw the line? How do you know when you're being abused/attacked, and when you're just being evaluated? I'd love to tell you that it's as simple as trusting your gut, which it is; but if you want to take it a step further, i.e. sharpen and fine-tune your instinct, you must understand the different purposes behind shit tests, and narcissistic abuse.

S@it Tests, or Evaluating a Potential Mate's Compatibility

Evaluation is crucial for both men and women, as it's important to find out whether you're compatible with one another, or not. No point in being with someone you don't resonate with, i.e. can't meet their needs by meeting yours, and vice-versa. A woman will usually evaluate you by asking questions or purposefully saying things/acting in ways that will elicit a response from you; then determine if that response is an appropriate one, according to her personal standards.

Despite the fact that both are meant to trigger you, a good rule of thumb to differentiate shit tests from NA is to remember that s@it tests are not supposed to make you feel inadequate, or emasculate you; a woman with a healthy self-esteem that's looking for a long-term partner will not belittle or attack you, but merely challenge you. If she does attack or belittle you, then you can safely assume that she's not looking for a partner, but for a prey (explanation further down). A good question to ask yourself, if you're still at a stage where you need to go about this rationally, and can't fully trust your instinct yet, is: what is she trying to determine by acting this way, or saying/asking those things? This should give you some perspective on what her intentions are.

Now, if you're already in a relationship with a woman, s@it tests can have another purprose, too. One I've already touched on before; help you grow. A woman can do this by either calling you out on something that doesn't feel right to her, i.e. challenging you, or by giving you an ego-boost, i.e. making you feel powerful and respected. By pushing those buttons, her goal is to give you an incentive to become a better provider/protector, as well as create a deep emotional bond that's going to reduce the chances of you wandering off to impregnate some other female once your seed is planted in her; all of which benefits her first and foremost, of course.

Narcissistic Abuse, or Harvesting a Prey's Emotional Resources

The fundamental difference between the aforementioned s@it test and NA, is that NA is meant to extract a reaction from you, and nothing else. What often gives narcissists away, is that they revel in other people's misery; they will go out of their way to find out what makes you tick, sometimes subtly lurring you into opening up, and making you believe that it's safe. Then, once they've extracted the information that they needed, they will resort to shaming and attacking you to squeeze that emotional distress out of you, while positioning themselves in a way that makes it impossible for you to defend yourself, or use their own tactics against them.

The form this takes is quite different from that of a s@it test, in that a narcissistic woman will deliberately target and exploit your weak spots, the safest ones to go for in males being, amongst other things, their genitals, performance in bed, sexual inclination, status in society, etc. It might also be something you told her bothered you, like the fact that you're balding, or something you've suffered from in the past, like depression.

A healthy woman will reassure you that those things are okay (implicitely, most of the time), and embolden you to conquer your insecurities by appealing to your desire to impress her. A narcissist, on the other hand, will feed off of them, like a predator feeds on its prey.

So yes, both s@it tests and narcissistic abuse are meant to trigger you, but the motive behind each of them is different. Pay attention to the purpose of her questions, or remarks. Some are meant to get a reaction out of you for the sake of getting a reaction out of you, others are meant to evaluate your potential as a partner.

Bottom line: Don't assume that when a woman says something that triggers you, the purpose behind that something is always a well-meaning one, i.e. she's just shit testing you. That is b@llshit. Chances are, it's not a s@it test. Chances are, she's gaslighting, and subtly abusing you.

There's a shit-ton of narcissistic, unhealthy women out there, whose only purpose is to get under your skin to feed off of your anger, misery, self-esteem issues, insecurities, attention (positive or negative), etc. Don't dismiss your instinct, i.e. the alarm that goes off in your head when a woman throws something at you that doesn't feel right (yes, feel). Trust your gut.