Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

12:07 PM Amer Bekic 0 Comments

This post is a summary of the first part of the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. The book contains 4 parts, so I’m going to post one each day.

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People


1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain


“If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive.”

Humans are creatures of emotion, not logic. Even notorious criminals try to justify their actions and feel victimized when they confess. For most people, criticizing or complaining will only make matters worse. Studies have proven that humans, just like animals, will learn faster with a good positive attitude than with bad behavior. Basic human nature rejects criticism even when criticism is constructive.

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.


“The Big Secret of Dealing with People.”

To get any person to do something for you, you have to give them what they want. But what most people crave for? People want food, sleep, money, se@ and appreciation. Most of the time, all these are gratified except for one, the desire to feel important.

Nearly everyone thinks only about themselves, how good and strong they are, we often forget about other people’s strengths and qualities. Every person in this world has a specific ability that we don’t, something which they are more knowledgeable and skilled. Find that specific ability and praise them for it, that will make the other person feel important and appreciated.

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

There’s a big difference between flattery and honest appreciation. When you flatter, you try to compliment people on something that is not true or too common, while when you give honest appreciation you find that special thing that makes a person stand out in the crowd.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.


“He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way.”
If you go fishing, do you use as a bait your favorite food? Assume that you like pizza, does that mean the fish like pizza too? You would have to use worms instead.

"Of course, you are interested in what you want. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want." Next time when you interact with another person, don’t think about yourself and your needs, instead talk from the other person’s point of view. Try to convince them that it is for their best interest to do something that you want. Don’t say “I” but “You”, think about what they want and how you can fulfill it.

"The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition."

In a Nutshell, Fundamental Techniques in Handling People


  • Principle 1 Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
  • Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Principle 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.